Tea and Sympathy with Sock Monkey Friends Snape and Dumbledore
"I tell you Severus, I'm still in shock. I can't believe all that's happened to me. Thank goodness you answered my Order of the Phoenix Bat-Signal...."
"Sir, it isn't called a bat-signal, it's a...."
"...because I really didn't know how much longer I could hold on.
By the way, when were you ever in Indiana?"
"Oh, Headmaster, I've been many, many places in my lifetime.
I believe you were going to tell me how you wound up in a Goodwill store?"
"What? Oh yes! It was horrible! I was, um, is......is that a snake on the table?"
"Oh, blast! It's one of Nagini's horrid little pests. Scat! Shoo! Out you go!"
"Where is Nagini, by the way?"
"Oh she's off doing that Moldy Clump of Vomitous White Toxic Spewage's bidding. And don't worry about ol' Rat-tail. I've petrified him until you are to leave, Sir. You know that Rat's been spying on me even from the lavatory?! Unbelievable! I detest him!"
"Oh, Severus! I'm really so sorry about that. Who would've thought young Peter Pettigrew would..."
"I would have thought, sir! But did you listen to me even then? No! And look at where I am now!"
(standing), "Well at least you're not stuck in a toy bin full of naked women all named Barbie who are all trying to braid your beard hair while talking about their lousy good-for-nothing boyfriends, (all named Ken)!"
"Calm down, sir, calm down. I didn't mean to.......did you say...naked?"
"And identical, each and every one of them! The only difference was their hair or skin color. Other than that, exact clones. It was so frightening. And me, without a stich of clothing on myself!"
"You? Sir. Had nothing on either?"
"No, Severus. It was all somehow taken away. If that kind lady hadn't rescued me, I'd have been a love slave to those Harpy women..."
"I believe it was Barbie women, sir."
"...those Barbie ladies for sure! By the way, Severus, what do you think of my lovely crocheted cloak and clothes?"
"Well sir I..."
"Check it out. I'll take off the cloak. See this snazzy one-piece no-sleeve striped robe? Very soft and comfy. And the hat.."
"Sir,....it looks a bit....clownish, sir. I didn't want to say anything but..."
"Oh, Severus. Like I'm going to take fashion criticism from you, of all people. Mr. Johnny-Cash-Man-In-Black with your..."
"black this and your black that. You could never pull off something this wild."
"Nor would I want to, sir."
"Careful where you put your hand, Severus."
"Sorry, sir. I thought you might tip over there for a minute."
"Hmm, yes. I think I'll have a seat."
"Sir, you could put your things back on. I think your hat is on my foot. And what are those things on your face?"
"Ahem, yes, well. I believe she tried to make glasses for me."
"How is that working out then?"
"Can't see a bloody thing. But I didn't tell her. She worked so hard on them. What's that book you have there, Sev?"
"Oh, you'll never believe it. It's the seventh Harry Potter book. I swiped an editor's copy. A simple matter, really. I popped in, grabbed the copy off the nightstand, and popped out. No one guarding it at all. And you'll certainly not believe what-all she has in store for me to do in this last book, I mean, really! Who will believe it!"
"Severus! You stole the book?! Shame on you!.....What does it say?"
"Now, now, sir, don't trouble yourself with it. Here, have more tea."
"Do I come back as a ghost like poor Alec Guiness? Tell me....Is that teacup from Hawaii? When were you in Hawaii, Severus?"
"Oh, Headmaster, I had such a great time! You really should go. They have these hula dancers who..."
"Damn! It's that pesky snake again. Careful, he's on your beard. Where's my wand?"
"Severus, I need to be going anyway. I must see Hagrid about putting my lifeless body in the Goodwill drop-box at the Walmart store parking lot. You take care now and see to it that young Harry learns the spells needed to defeat Voldemort, right? Now I'm off. Perhaps I'll also pop in that travel agency in town and see about Hawaii. Take care, Severus!"
"Good-bye, sir." (closes door). Now, where can I find a Goodwill store with a naked Barbie bin?